I’m sure you’re all shaking your head thinking I’ve added the ‘asking for a friend’ bit to throw you off my track. But in all honesty, this post was sparked by a conversation I had with a man friend of mine. He’s been struggling with dating as well and we often exchange notes/advice on our dating lives. While texting today, he told me about a plan of his..and I found it interesting enough to write a whole blog post about it. Shout out to him! Although, I hope he isn’t reading this cause I’m not sure how happy he’d be about my writing about his dating life. But my own dating life has been so abysmal that I need blog ideas from interesting friends (but a new post on it is coming up next week).
Let me explain the situation while trying not to let my bias affect how I tell it:
While on a solo trip last year, my friend met a girl. It was instant love for him. He felt things he had never felt before. They didn’t spend a lot of time together but decided to meet in her home city since he was headed there too. With a lot of excitement, he met her on an amazing date and he was feeling all the right feelings and was on cloud nine. On returning home after their date, he saw that she had messaged him. The message read –
‘Hi, I had a nice time but it seems like you’re looking for something serious. Unfortunately I’m not over stuff from my past, so I don’t want something serious right now. I don’t want to lead you on. Take care.’
And then she blocked him (even before he had seen the message).
He was heartbroken and tried reaching out to her on social media and e-mail over the next few months but she never responded and also blocked him on other social media.
Despite going on many other dates with other women, he has been fixated on her for the last year. His feelings for her remain unchanged and he thinks about her very often.
While conversing with her on the date, she had mentioned where she works in passing. So now, a whole year after, he wants to write and send a handwritten letter to her office. (Since he is still blocked on her social media)
*pause*
Do you think that it’s a good idea? If you were in the girl’s situation would you be flattered or creeped out? Would you give him another chance?
*think about your answer before reading on*
I felt like there was only one correct answer for the situation but turns out his other friends were giving him a different answer. And so I decided to put this question out there to see how others feel. Drop down in the comments your opinion on it before you read on to find out mine.
My opinion:
To me the whole situation seems creepy and bordering on stalking. If I was this clear about not liking a guy to the point of blocking him, I’d definitely be creeped out to get a letter from him at my place of work, over a year after we met last. I would have found it romantic if the girl had expressed any interest in him in the past year but she’s been fairly clear on not being interested in pursuing any relationship with him including friendship. I don’t think a letter will change her mind.
Do you agree or disagree with my opinion? What dating advice would you give him? Drop a comment and I’ll pass on your advice to him!
If you haven’t noticed already, I’m back with posting on here regularly. Check out my other recent posts –
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My advice – definitely don’t do it. If she’s blocked him that is a clear sign she’s just not interested. The comments she made were probably to soften the blow. I’ve been really hurt by two guys but wouldn’t keep pursuing them. He needs to let go (and I know that’s hard) for the sake of his mental health and because he’ll be missing other possible chances. I do feel for him though, the ghosting can be so painful until you get based to it.
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Your friend would 100% completely be in the wrong here. The lady clearly expressed her boundaries, and he’d be violating them by continuing to pursue her. As a guy, I’d find this as extremely creepy (as in stalking) if a woman did this to me.
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The girl could not have been any clearer. He needs to let it go.
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Great post Moksha! I šÆ agree itās beyond creepy if he takes further action. Heās addicted to a fantasy, heās not living in reality, and he needs to let it go. Thereās absolutely nothing he can do to change her mind, and honestly, she might have just been polite saying sheās not over her ex. She might be completely over her ex and just into your friend at all. It hurts and it sucks but itās part of the dating game and he really needs to let go. Please god donāt let him send that letter! š¤£š¤£
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Just *not* into your friend
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I agree that heās crossing boundaries. Once blocked, he shouldnāt keep pursuing other means of contact. That girl could become actually scared to receive a physical letter at her workplace.
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I agree with you it’s not just creepy but a tad narcissistic. She made it clear she didn’t want something serious and probably blocked him knowing he’d try to convince her otherwise. Sending a handwritten note to her office is almost stalkerish. It would actually scare me if someone did that from my past.
It’s too bad when we go on several dates with someone just to realize they didn’t like us to the same extent and put the brakes on, but it can happen which is why it’s important to start to train yourself not to get too attached too soon. That used to be my issue – I’d be in love by the 3rd date but then I realized from experience that you do not know someone after just a few dates. As a woman I’ve never stalked any guys, but I have been stalked a couple of times in the past and it is scary.
I hope he won’t send that letter. D:
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Thank you for sharing your point of view. He is so convinced that it is a romantic gesture. I think men probably perceive such situations differently. If a woman they weren’t interested in sent them a letter they’d probably be flattered. But as a woman, I’d be scared to go to the office wondering if he’d be waiting there for me if I didn’t reply. I really hope he doesn’t do it.
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Rejection is one of the most painful things for us humans. But we do have to accept it and move on. The guy should let it go.
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I totally agree. I hope he lets it go. I tried explaining it but we just got into an argument. I’m going to send this blog link to him and hopefully the comments will help guide him.
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Good idea.
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drop her and move one. she’s obvi not worth it if she just blocked him for no real reason. Heading back up to read the rest.
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I’m glad I saw men reverse the situation. I agree with them, pursuing someone that long and that far is very stalkerish. He made a connection, yes, but how much of it was in his head? He never had the opportunity to really get to know her, so it seems his ideas of her are based more on his idea of her than who she is. He was on holiday too, a time when we tend to live more in fantasy, since we leave our real life behind, so the possibility of him having rosy-colored glasses is pretty strong. No one has matched up with that fantasy yet, because it was probably that, fantasy. Sounds harsh, true, but he needs to let her go!
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The fact that she immediately blocked him without allowing him the chance to respond, tells me that she not interested. At all. I would be uncomfortable if I received a letter at work one year later. It’s time to move on.
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Navigating Modern Dating: How to Keep Your Relationships Pure:
https://noseypepper.com/life-style/navigating-modern-dating-how-to-keep-your-relationships-pure/
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I know how hard it is not to be able to let a person go. I’m in that situation now, but I’m there because it’s unclear how he feels about me. I’m not blocked or anything, but the signs all say I should say goodbye. But I can’t.
I have no idea to get your friend to let this person go. Since he’s been blocked, of course that sends a huge message that he should move on. Still, I’ve learned that if people do not want to listen to anybody, they won’t. It has to come from themselves…
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